MARIIIOOO

i get thrown off reality and get sucked into this dreamworld where everything is going to be perfect. then its a big wake up call when i realize where i really am. not so bad though. at least i know whats real. or what i understand and accept as real. reality can be pretty relative. does that make sense? whatever. it makes sense to me :]

recently life has been just work. breakfast. sleep. do it all over again. its been pretty hectic and im forgetting to make sure i take care of things before i go to bed.  pretty overwhelming. o well. thats life. this april ill be leaving for top gun. 2 weeks in virginia then i think 6 weeks in nevada. then 2 maybe 3 weeks in san diego. im excited for those couple of weeks.  thats all i wanted to write i guess. congrats on new york im really proud of you. welcome back from new york im glad you didnt die. um. im 21 now. nothings changed. not gonna become an alcoholic.  havent smoked for a week and 2 days now. not a big deal. i need to fix my bike already and buy new books to read for the next couple of weeks and start hitting the gym x4 when i leave for topgun. thats it. 

for the past 3 years whenever  my birthday is coming up youre the first thing i think of. not the birthdays i had before or when i was younger. youre the first thing that comes to mind. you were the only one to come out and see me. even though i had friends of more then 7 years and i had only known you for maybe 2, you went out of your way to see me. that following sunday when you told me your best friend just committed suicide that same day, i didnt know what to say. i still dont.

had a dream about this girl. and man was i in love with her.

i did it. i won marine of the quarter. my hard work is finally paying off. and credit is being given where credit is due. im not gonna lie and i cant describe it any other way, but i fucking love the marine corps. there is a lot of tough times, but i really cant imagine myself doing anything else. who we are, what we do, and the traditions we carry are beyond all the other branches. we hold ourselves to the highest of standards, whether it be in our appearance, work or how we carry out business. no one compares and no one even comes close. i plan to stay in for a very long time. and i will make big changes as i move up in the ranks. im motivated and dedicated. oorah SF/LCpl

i was watching life on the discovery channel and we are more savage than the animals they capture. we destroy everything and we need to much. animal have coexisted together for thousands of years just on what they have. they never needed internet, never needed cars, never needed ipods or macbooks or designer clothing. never needed it.they live on what they need. nothing more. nothing less.

but we are weak. we need. we are greedy and selfish. and maybe thats what separates us. life is simple for a killer whale or a cheetah. eat live reproduce and survive. 

id still rather be me , i kinda like the complications and chaos. makes my life more than just that. 

was ridiculously stupid. had too much and made some dumb phone calls. sorry btw.

im glad i can tell you anything and we’d be okay :]

had way too much way fast. had a good time but for now im over it.

so i smoke. socially. judge me please judge me.

theres somethings i want to confess to you but i just cant out of fear.

i cant wait till june comes around. i miss home so much. cant wait :]

its all i can do. its all anyone can do. lets not get stuck. lets keep going. life is tough and life isnt fair but thats life. 

im better than you give me credit for. i want it more than anyone. i work harder than anyone in our shop. i know im better. and i demand better. from you, my peers, my superiors and especially myself.

its been a week. a week ago you were here. and this week you arnt. im still a wreck. as much of a face i put on during the day im a wreck. im still so messed up. it seems like i cant talk about this with anyone. i try , buti dont know what im suppose to say. i dont know what im suppose to do. i miss you so much. i love you.

how do you get pass this?